Map Of Tasmania

Am I Blue? What'll I do?

I'm not the girl who misses much ( pipilotti rist )

Am I Blue?

Dancing at the cafe - Bande a Part (AKA Band of Outsiders)

Orange

I am somewhere somewhere beneath these

I believed that we ached to do the right thing. Manifest Destiny, worshipping national heroes, with on top their all powerful whopper, Rising health care, Interest rates, housing costs. Did he know this great nation would be Christian from its beginning? Of course he did. Ten years you spent here, and ten more years will follow – Powerful army and a wine drinking and fattening population a Powerful army and Coca Cola drinking fattening population China revalues Yuan, Chinese economy booms, I believed that we ached to do the right thing. Alexander the Great, Malcolm X, Bush, Puff Daddy, Manifest Destiny, I believed that most of us were outraged, that we wanted to get past the nightly barrage of random violence. Chase, Goldman Sachs, Hard borders between free men and slaves, Trust in individuality, Chinese economy booms, as they secure energy reserves We have lost our true identity, our heritage, our roots, Manifest Destiny, How long has it been since they shot Liberty Valiance? Morgan Stanley, JP Mogan, poverty smoothened by amphitheaters and gladiators, workers kept satisfied with ovals, stadiums, drivers and athletes. I believed that we ached to do the right thing. Colonial wars, Chile, Vietnam, Scandals, Scandals, Corruption, Corruption, Did he know this great nation would be Christian from its beginning? Of course he did!— find what we could really do to change what was happening, Continue to fight terrorism Government and consumer debt increases. It's time our people awakened from their sleep and learn not only their true history, but also their destiny that is unfolding, even now, according to God's Divine plan. British Petrolum, Chevron, Citgo, and… Last night I dreamed I was a hillbilly in heaven.

Maybe I should just go back to bed like I know how.

Douche

I bet we have a lot in commmon.
What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Do you sleep with the window open or closed?
Do you like pillow talk or memory foam?
Do you pee in the shower?
Do you buy toilet paper in the multi-pack or one pack at a time?
Do you squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom or the top?
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in yourself?
Do you like to read? I love to read!
Do you like the movies? I love the movies!
Do you love yourself? I....
Do you think you could love me?

photograph of a significant outfit.

This is the outfit I wore to my Grandmothers 100th birthday. I baked the family cake, usually made covered in m&m's for birthdays. I left it on the dashboard of my brother's car while we attempted to wake ourselves up with lattes in the early morning Florida soup. I shielded calls from my father, "WHERE ARE YOU!" while my brother cursed another driver as he sped out of the starbucks parkinglot. A scream, a giggle and a flying cake and I found myself draped in shards of chocolate and icing. Luckily, the cake being so moist, was pieced back together by my brothers while I freaked out in the middle of the street, "I am not walking into that room with all those women with that cake!" My grandmother loved it. Drizzled with her special thickened milk. She turned to my brother, chocolate coated tongue. "You look your age."

playground

A friend explains his courtship of a married woman.
"I am engaging her."
"What do you mean, engage?"
"Let's say that there is a flower. A beautiful flower. I walk by and engage it. I smell it. I engage it. Do I engage it on my own? The flower is beautiful. It wants to be looked at. It wants me to smell it. It wants to be engaged. It engages me. We engage each other."

telephone

“Oh you’re there. I just want you to know that your whole relationship with me everything about you is an offense to me and offended me and pissed me off. Did you get my last message about me being a bad father, and Tim being a great dad now? You didn’t hear that one? Well, you should go and f*ck him, you know, you fickle cunt because I don’t care. You offend me on every f*cking level. You offend me on every f*cking level. I despise you. I don’t want you back. You have proven yourself to me. You’re not a f*cking woman I want. You can’t hang. You’re not a f*cking woman. You’re a f*cking fake. You’re a f*cking sham. You don’t know what the f*ck it means to make a man happy. You didn’t make me f*cking happy. I couldn’t make you happy with the BEST I DID FOR ANYBODY, EVER! EVER. You f*cking glum cunt! You didn’t f*cking crack a smile with the tree ceremony out there. Nothing. What the f*ck do I have to do? And remember whose f*cking roof your under. You ingrate bitch. And that’s it! Okay. The game’s over. Let the new games begin so you can get it on with anybody else and your son can watch it. What is it? Number 45 he’s going to have to look at? F*cking good. I’m so f*cking sorry I had a child with you. Now I am. Now that I see you. I hope you f*cking don’t sleep. I hope you f*cking waste. You f*cking ruined me. You f*cking ingrate. I ‘m so mad. I’m so angry. And this is not the nicotine this is the truth. You don’t fucking love me one bit. You know it. You using bitch.”

kissy-kiss

How to kiss with passion:
Are you a good kisser? Anyone can be with the right technique. You will need a partner you feel passionate about and a comfortable space such as a couch.
Step 1. Brush your teeth floss and use mouthwash bad breath is the ruination of good kissing. At the very least have a mint.
Step 2. Sit with your partner preferable in private. Public displays of affection may be fun for you but they make most everyone else uncomfortable.
Step 3. Relax and clear your mind. Focus only on the person with you.
Step 4. Angle your face to avoid crunching noses
Step 5. Lean into the person until your lips touch. Keep lip contact soft and gentle in the beginning.
Step 6. Experimental with different movements and techniques, for instance, gently
suck on your partners lower lip or caress lips lightly with tongue.
Step 7. Open your mouth enough to slip your tongue out. Slowly slip your tongue into your partners mouth, start exploring the inside of each others mouth Keep slow and soft Not darting or invasive. Breath through your nose
Step 8. Come up come air by kissing partners face, ears, and neck even giving them the occasional soft nip or gently tugging on their hair in the heat of the moment.
Step 9. Use your hands. Strokes and caresses.
Step 10. Practice makes perfect.

Beauty

I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because uh... Some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future (for our children.)

Red

fake tits

"You need a fucking kick up the ass for being a bitch, c*nt, gold digging, whore with a pussy son. And I want my child and no one will believe you. So f*ck you. And I’m not giving you my house and you can rot unless you crawl back, s*ck my cock and say you’re sorry, in that order! Do you understand me? You f*cking offend my f*cking maleness, my masculinity, my being, my soul! And you call me a sinner. You are a f*cking moving violation. If you get raped its your fault for showing off your fake tits. Like they’re some special deal? How much did they cost, those fakers? You complain about mastitis? They’re fake baby. Come on, you got little bladders in there. You think I’m an idiot? You need to say a lot to assuage my insanity because you’ve made me this way! You’re all a bunch of f*cking using c*nts. You’re like every other f*cker. Say thank you every 5 goddamn minutes and not call me mean and not look at me sideways just suck my cock. You fucking c*nt, That’s all your f*cking good for. That’s about all your f*cking good at.
You there?

"

whitehall station

"ew. Grape."

(pause)

She has a line of sweat beneath her bra line. A ring on every finger. She licks her lips, her teeth. Touching them with the tip of her manicured nails.

"Alot more people since they got rid of the W. Even at this time of night."

A sparkle in her eye. Licking her lips. A good hair product keeping her curls in ringlets.

"My lips taste like grape. My boyfriend was drinking grape juice. We were kissing. He lives in Staten Island. I live in queens. We had ice cream. Diner. Kissing in the park. He told me, 'I love you.' He asks to kiss me. Asks to hold me. Asks to touch me. Makes sure I'm ready. I just got out of a relationship. 9 years. He was abusive. Mentally. Physically. He's a gentleman. He kisses my hand. We were at a bookstore. And this guy says you make a really cute couple. He bought me the last Twilight. He knows I love them. Everything that has to do with Vampires. All the books. All the tv shows. We were in the park and he starts nibbling on my neck. Like this. And it drives me crazy. I'm like 'we're going to do it right now if you don't stop.' I have a rule. It's silly, I know. Three months. I need to be sure of my feelings you know.

We cant go to his house. Too small. A studio. Can't go to my house. My ex lives in the basement. We're married actually. I live upstairs with my parents. We can't kick him out. He has no where to go. My parents feel bad for him. I feel bad. I don't hate him. I haven't loved him for 9 months. We haven't had sex in a year.

You wanna see a picture? People say we look alike. What do you think? That's my dog. I got her. I had my head on his shoulder. He craddled my face. He touches my face. He lifts it like this and says, 'I love you.' I said, "ditto" He says, 'that's from Ghost.' I say, 'I know that's how I say i love you. Ditto.' I am happy. Here's me and my ex. Who do you think's cuter?

Hysteria/hysterical

I have plenty of energy to drive over there and I will. Do you understand me? So just fucking listen to me. Listen to my ranting. Listen to what you do to me. You’re a pain in the ass. You make my life so fucking difficult. To be a woman that fucking supports me instead of a woman who sucks off me. And just fucking sucks me dry. And wants and wants and wants. This relationship if you’re a good woman and you love me. I don’t believe you anymore. I’m sick of your bullshit. Has any relationship ever worked with you? No. Shut the fuck up. I know i'm behaving like this because I know absolutely that you do not love me and you treat me with no consideration. I love you because i've treated you with every kindness ever consideration you rejected. I will be happy. Fuck you. Get the fuck away from me. But my daughter isn’t born yet. Alright. Now you have one more chance. And I mean it. Now fucking go if you want, but I will give you one more chance. You make me want to smoke, you fucked my day up, you only care about yourself when i've been so fucking good to you. Shut the fuck you. You should just fucking smile and blow me. Cause I deserve it. Who the fuck cares! We agreed nothing. You agreed. You just fucking expect shit. Go to the fucking Jacuzzi by yourself. Go fuck the fucking Jacuzzi. It’s a shame. You have no fucking soul. My soul is screaming because you don’t have one to join mine. You have no fucking soul. You can’t give a fuck. I left my wife because we had no spiritual common ground. You and I have none. Zero. You wont even fucking try. You don’t care you don’t care. Fuck you. You hurt me so fucking bad. You insult me with every fucking look. Every Breath. With every fucking heartbeat, every fucking selfish heart beat that you have. What! What! You apologize for nothing? Well then you’re a dishonest cunt. Because you need to apologize for a reason. Peace. You have it out for me and instinctually I feel that. I will not be patronized by you and your dishonesty. You apologize because you know your wrong. If you will not fucking accept that then get the fuck out. I will make your goddamn life miserable. Alright? What? What? I need a woman. Not a fucking little girl with a fucking dysfunctional cunt. I need a fucking woman. I don’t need medication. You need a bat to the side of the head. Alright? How about that? You need a fucking doctor. You need a fucking brain transplant. You need a fucking, you need a fucking soul. I need medication? I need someone who fucking treats me like a man. Like a human being. With kindness. Who understands what gratitude is because I fucking bend over backwards with my balls in a knot to do it all for her and she treats me like shit. Like a fucking sour look that’s says I'm mean. What the fuck is that? This is mean. Get it? You get it now? What mean is? Get it? You don’t fucking care about me. I’m having a hard time and you yank the rug. You bitch. You fucking selfish bitch. Don’t you dare hand up on me. You hang up I'm coming over there. You fucking cunt. I’m coming to my house. You’re in my house, honey. Ill call the police and tell them someone’s in my house. My house. How bout that? I don’t involve the police in anything cause I stand up for myself, you you weak cunt . Why don’t you fuck off to the cunt bitch Alyssa's, she was fucking making eyes at me. ‘She would have sucked me in 5 seconds. Take that one up with her. I was trying to spare your goddamn feelings. She would have blown me in 5 seconds. She’s not your friend. You don’t have any fucking friends except me and you treat me like shit. So that’s why I'm so fucking angry. I don’t have any friends. I try to make one from you and you treat me like shit. And you fucking used me. The fucking career is over. And you lit out of here faster than you ever have before. And you’ll be at Alyssa’s place. You just showed me what you are. Absolutely. Inequitably. Fucking prefect. I believe it now. You’ll find some other fucker to pay for you. Cunt bitch gold-digger cunt whore that’s what you are. You have just proved it. You got out of here in record time. The last three years have been a fucking gravy train for you Oh your all angry now, what? What? Are you threatening me now? I’ll put you in the fucking rose garden you cunt. You understand that cause I'm capable of it. Get a restraining order.

I am here beneath myself

I can sit? I'm sorry I couldn’t hear you. I just want to take a minute. As far as I knew I was being in compliant with um my program… programs… um you know when I would ask to leave town they would give me permission to leave town so that’s all that I knew was coming to me. I wasn’t expecting expecting any special treatment aside from the understanding that I have to provide for myself, I have to work and my schedule, you know, unfortunately is very different and they they were willing to work with me on that and that was the only kind of special treatment that you know if anything they would give me to try and balance their schedules with mine which I really appreciated…um having said that I did, I did do everything I was told to do and did the best I could to… um you know, balance jobs and showing up (sigh) I'm sorry… um in terms of going more than once in a week um some people I know, I know that I was ordered to go once a week um and it wasn’t you know I wasn’t missing the classes just.. I would never do anything like that I was working mostly and um morocco the trip I was working with the children it wasn’t a vacation it wasn’t some sort of a joke um and I respect you I was taking it seriously um and I appreciate the right on programs has done so much to help me finish early because I wanted to make sure that I would com back here making you happy and um the court system show that I meant everything that I put into it and going more than once in a week I would try to do that only because I knew I would have to work the next week I figured and as far as I knew they were okay with this and it was still in compliance that if I did three times a week or two in a week it would make up for the fact that if I had to work the next week then that’s why I wouldn’t be there because I've already done them now so as far as I knew that was in compliance if I had not known had I been you know taken aside and told that in detail then that would have been a different story I'm not taking this as a joke its my life and its my career and its something that I have worked for my entire life and you know I've learned form my experiences I take responsibility for my actions and I've tried to do the best that I can in the past few weeks since I was here last which is the only time I've been in… you know… present in front of a judge in any of my situations in terms of this specific case this is the only time you know honestly it did wake me up yes of course it scared me and it also confused me because I was there thinking it was okay that I missed those classes and I I didn’t had I known differently again like I said I would have taken it you know I would have made sure that I was in town each week and I would have balanced my work around that because id rather you know be working in the long run rather than dealing with this kind of thing the rest of my life um I guess that’s all I really had to say I… its just been such a long haul and I don’t want I don’t want you to think that I don’t respect you and your terms because I really did think that I was doing what I was supposed to do and I mean that with all my heart.

the inside of my pocket

The picture is missing on this one.
It was supposed to be a shop window.
A stunning dress.
A reflection of a tree.
A car or two whizzing by.
A contrast of the solid and the insubstantial.
But-
The picture is missing-
I don't know-
One of those technological errors
Inexplicable.

time

Last time, lost time, time lapse, times up, time to go, out of time, now is the time, time to commit, ahead of time, past time, fleeting time, waste of time, unbridled time, unrecorded time, uncaptured time, time machines, menstral time, playtime, relief time, time zone, universal time, eastern standard time, mountain time, time travel, daylight savings time, timeout, tick tock tick tock, time passing,… passing …passing

I remain
Motionless
A shadow
grounded with no substance.
outlines blurred filled with nothing but a shifting shade of grey.
nothing to say
nothing
nothing
I

dnǝ ǝɥʇ

Art is long and life is short, and success is very far off. - Joseph Conrad

Damn.
Bitch.
Say what's on your mind.
Can't get warm.
Just like to know where it all ends. See?
Regrets?
Don't get me started.
Dead ends?
Road seemed right at the time.
Look but don't leap.
Yeah. Something like that.
This is a more lucid moment.
Not splitting the seams.
Don't wanna jump out of your skin.
Splitting headache the past three days.
Acupuncture is good for that.
Need a relief valve.
That's what I'm sayin'.
Things have a way of building up.
Moxa- Cups. Girl I know uses fire.
In the cup?
Creates a seal. Moves the blood.
Flips the switch?
Sets you right.
Hmm.

Natalie

“Why did you do that why did you do that? You fucked me up. You fucked me up!”
She tries to back up but he lurches his body forward trapping her against the front doors.
“You gave my card to that bitch? That whore? Why did you do that?”
“I’m sorry sir, I’m already in a lot of trouble if you would like too….”
“Sorry? You’re sorry? “ A globule of spit launches from his seething lips and adheres to her eye lashes. His swollen paunched face billows through her vision as he lumbers back and forth pierced by her magnified eyelash.
“I want to know what you’re going to do about it?”

Through the window she watches another one of her customers, seated for 4 hours at the long picnic table clutching steins of "banana beer," as the burst into random acts of chanting, "USA! USA! USA!" One of the boys is no leaning over his mug, his mouth slacked over the rim refilling the glass with slow jerks of his abdomen while the rest of his cronies giggle and cheer.

fleeting

Bathroom stalls hold a litany of sweetarts and savageries and I wonder how many of them still hold true.

bird

“Of course, I had to. I love doing that .I took 80 bucks with me. I had too. Because I’m like “What is this like Melrose?” I was like I didn’t realize I was working at Melrose place.” It all good and that your fucking everybody, I’m not going to judge you on that, cause granted, women power. It’s fucking awesome, sweet. But I’m not part of that. I’m too sensitive. I got too much gentileness. I can throw a soft sweater on and feel the lambswool and enjoy it you know. So she comes in last night or too nights ago and she’s like. “You’re not going to talk too me anymore?” and I’m like, “oh…no… I’m just busy.” And I’m like “fuck you come on if there’s that much drama at the get go, fuck you. I don’t need it. I don’t need it.”

can't go home yet

its all fun and games until you're left alone at the bar to laugh to/at yourself.

Small talk tidbits , trying to find a way in.

Michalob55. “How's the game?" "Lakers and Celtics. Great teams but not very exciting." Why can he not keep his eyes off it.

Bluepointtoasted and magnumofmagnus "you need to weld into the metal joist…”

bacardigoldandcoke, "taste like crap but they're handing them out free."

Dickleneat, can't hear a word beyond the scent of something rotting behind his teeth.

cosmogrrl and pintofwaterwithstraw, "i knew it was going to be cheesy, but I loved it." "yeah, i mean at first, her conversation with Big, it took me a while. I mean, like 5 minutes, and then I was totally into it."

milkstout, "cute top." Maybe he figured I can hear him over the din of the bar, and thats why he poked my boob.

marlboroughreds," so..." his pocket starts to ring and vibrate simultaneously, "sorry... of jezzus... nevermind... so what was i saying?" The pocket lights up again, "oh... hold on a second... What?!!!!"

Yawn. Sip. Sigh.Seek.Retreat. Sip. Look. Scan. Disregard. Scan. Smile. Watch. Sigh. Yawn.

another forgetful day in hipsterville

apparently I am very forgettable.

"Oh..." (First off we never slept together.) "Yeah..." (but we've been introduced time and time again) "Hey" (hung out for hours actually.) what's up" (there is no question. Just a statement. They are not really expecting an answer.) There is only the slow turn of our bodies in the opposite direction.(sigh)

"i am not the oldest person here. I am not the oldest person here." a mantra I repeat over and over as i scan the crowd of scantly clad tattooed Sailor Jerry dolls and the skinny tight jean droopy draw dweebs that love them sipping on mason jars of planters punch and gnaw on slabs of bacon butchered in the cellars beneath our chuck tailored feet.

Alas, the lies I tell myself rattle in the bottom of my empty glass since there is no one here to spread them over.... I head to the front door. No one says a word. To me. I slip past the door baby and her latest admirer (who really just wants to get past her, through the front door without the magic wooded coin that grants one passage to a bevy of rum infused cocktails and pork laden buns dripping with sauce.) I turn for one last glance, not one bespecked soul notices.

dream 1/27

We are running, uphill. There are many of them, few of us. Us being the faceless and nameless that I carry with me. We are being stalked, a masked man with a black cape.
We are all looking for her, Rhianna, and her baby. A brief case falls open to a mass of blackmail letters and two airline tickets. One ticket for the masked man the other for Rhianna.
We are in a tunnel standing beneath the twitching noses of the red shirted cannibals
The leader gives a signal. With a twitch of the nose they leave us.
An ambulance crashes, at the bottom of the hill.
We hop on my bicycle riding through the open ambulance doors. A naked family sits inside. The mother is dead. A 10 year old boy sits in his grandfathers lap. He looks at me
And with a shuddering breath he dies briefly reviving his grandfather who yells
“I am an Isreali national!” A man in a wheelchair stands and with a pointed finger and an accusatory whisper that shatters the window, “JEW!”
We point to the paramedic running around the corner, red tee-shirted with small yellow plastic fireman hats. The grandfather runs after them, naked.