FIshtale

"So yeah I was driving down the road, I guess I was like 15 years old, cause in Hawaii you can drive at 15, and um it was like a bypass where they were doing construction the road but it was really curvy and I didn’t know what to do if I fishtailed…it was raining really hard and there was cane fields its what’s all around that area and I guess um I thought it was a cat but it was a ferret apparently that ran out in front of the car and I… and I did what your not supposed to do. I should have run the fucker over but I slammed on the brakes instead. I didn’t slam on the breaks I put the brakes on but I had bad tires. It was an old car, it was like a 76 Plymouth flore… totally steal a car. That’s what saved me. And um so then the backend slid out to the left so shwooo slides out to the left and what you should do I guess when it fishtales is what my brothers taught me later is to pull the wheel to the left as well which when your ass is sliding out to the left all you really want to do is go back to the right so you kinda pull the wheel to the right or that’s what I did which turned me into a spin and then I went 360 into one of those cement barriers on side and crushed the front of the car and the tire popped of course my glasses flew off of my face I remember that . Anyway um after that my brothers taught me what to do when you fishtale which is to go the same way that your ass is going well you know when it you know like with the steering wheel like if the back of the car is going to the left you have to pull the wheel to as if you are the left so that it kind of evens out you know and you slid sideways as opposed to you sliding the backend out to the left and you pulling the car to the right cause that where you want to go back to but that kind of continues the motion circular motion and that’s what makes you spin out. You know you can do it on purpose. Like my brothers can do it on purpose. You know, they do it. They do it, but it’s not safe."

Bingowings

Tuck the tail bone
loosen the neck
And up
Here we go
Up and down up and down up and down up and down
Right here
Big curl
And again one more and turn that weight
bringing it up on the sides
Up up up up
Curl don’t swing
Curl and again
Oh now one of each
curl and down curl and down
And curl up curl up
Here is the front
And take that weight overhead
Press it up and down
Elbows close to the body
Close to the ears
Tuck that chin
Pressing up and down
Really extend
And again
Good job
Press release press release press release
Good job

mirth

"she seems a stranger to herself, or rather there were two selves in her, the one she had always known, and a new abhorrent being to which it found itself chained."

House of Mirth

"She seed always to have seen him through a blur - first of sleepiness, then of distance and indifference - and now the fog had thickened til he was almost indistinguishable."

originality is an illusion

pantysock

Opening line.
"What's your favorite Tom Cruise movie?"
Followed by
"What's your favorite Matt Damon movie?"
Not to be undone by
"What tv show is the best to spoon to?"
He slides over a couple barstools towards me.
"I need your advice."
He hands me his phone to read his text messages.
"Now she's the girl I want to spoon with and talk about Pan Am. When we broke up, i was making 28 thousand a year. I didn't have enough money to pay for my self esteem. I want to be able to pay for her mozzarella sandwich.I hate the bitch. I went to the reunion and call her fat. Not that she is. I don't believe in being fat. If your fat, your lazy. I mean look at me. I'm not fat. Do you know how handsome I am? I wanted to tell her, 'you look comfortable.' But i love her. I mean it was great. She's the girl i want to sleep with 4 years from now. She's the one I want to spoon up with her and watch "Love Actually." We hung out, all night you know. I kissed her than jumped off the train. It was so "When Harry meet Sally. She loves me. She's engaged, but I know she loves me. I mean, I told her I loved her! This is my point. I go out. I can get any girl in here. I'm the best dancer in here."
At this point he demonstrates his dance move, The Pencil Sharpener.
"My point is. I can make the girls come. AHHHHHHH. I'm tired of that. I mean I can pick my my nose with my tongue. I've got a medium sized penis and a great tongue. I'm not a pussy. Have you seen my biceps. I can sleep with anyone in here. Are those glasses real? I hate pretty girls that wear glasses, ugly girls I don't even talk to them. I get chicks because i've got great bone structure. I'm the best dancer in here."
Demonstrates the Skinny Jeans Dance.
"I won my 6th grade Dance contest. I peaked at 12. I work in finance but i want to work in skinny jeans dance. Have you seen my biceps? It really sucks when you family wont pay for your cellphone anymore. I mean, whatever. Get a tattoo on your tricep, they wont talk to you anymore."
The tattoo reads, "On Eagles Wings"
"I can sleep with any girl in here."
Demonstrates the Sprinkler dance.

“What is this self inside us, this silent observer,
Severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us,
And urge us on to futile activity,
And in the end, judge us still more severely,
For the errors into which his own reproaches drove us?”

-T.S. Elliot